46 Days Until Gown: Mein Shred

This blog is best paired with this audio clip.  For those who might be at work or in class, just hum the Imperial March from Star Wars to yourself quietly.

Okay.  So.  The course of human history is peppered with some personalities that are influential enough, crazy enough, evil enough, and just plain scary enough to make the rest of us mere mortals shake in our proverbial boots.  And for whatever reason, these people also seem to relish in publishing books.  Indeed, from Machiavelli's The Prince to Hitler's Mein Kampf, the world is littered with publications by people whose resume's should read "Employment: dictator and misery-spreader; Interests: freelance writing."

But there is one person, my friends, who has rocketed past the likes of Machiavelli and Hitler and secured her spot directly at the top of the evil pyramid: and her name is Jillian.

Oh, don't let that soft, wavy hair fool you.  Beneath that airbrushed exterior lies a merciless huntress.  An evil warrior.  And, fittingly enough, an author.

She has a book too.  Hitler would be proud.   But Jillian has a leg up (oh...don't say "leg up") on all the other crazies of pre-modern and modern time because in addition to a book of evil this woman also has videotapes.  Plural.  But one....just one is the stuff of legend.

The 30 Day Shred.

Now I haven't tried the Shred per se.  I flagrantly lied on my blog when I said that I was going to do it yesterday.  I tried to do it.  I did.  But then I got the warnings.  Oh, the warnings.  Complete strangers started telling me how terrifying the Shred is and how much my poor little body would surely ache today if I attempted the Shred.  I choked.

I am intent upon trying it today. But I am scared.  I've already broken a nail just breaking through the shiny cellophane that ensconces the Shred.  But I must do it.

I must psyche myself up for this.  I desperately need a metabolism boost.  I must start "toning."  Even the word makes my calves hurt.  Today begins...the Shred.

But in other news:

Weight: 128.4 (-0.4 since yesterday; -9.6 overall)
Calories Consumed: 1100
Exercise:  Beware the Shred.....