Wednesday, March 9, 2011

68 Days: Losing Control

Calories consumed: 1000
Exercise: Not much; light walking up and down parade route
Weight:  sigh....


I am really unsure what happened. I have no explanation. I wish I did.

Weight: 135.2 (-2.8 overall; + 0.8 since yesterday/the day before)

Really? A gain? Almost an entire pound gain?  I didn't even have a text color picked out for gains because I didn't think it was humanly possibly to gain weight while on a diet (assuming that I don't cheat; which I haven't).  Looking back on it, I would have done losses in green and gains in red because the purple just looks terrible.  In a way I guess it's fitting though; it's like a big purple bruise on my confidence.

Well this sucks.  I've spent all morning wondering what could have caused the change.  Water retention?  I mean, I guess that could explain it although I've never really been the type to fluctuate based on water retention.  Was the 134.4 a fluke in and of itself?  It seems unlikely to have the same fluke two days in a row...

In any event, and regardless of what's going, on I feel like total shit today.  It's so aggravating.  If I thought I was going to wake up a pound heavier I would have indulged in mimosas and pizza and beer like the rest of the world yesterday.  In a way I wish I had, because at least then I could say, "Well, I cheated. Better luck next time."  But at this point my faith in the ability to take the weight off in time for the wedding has been shaken to the core.  What happens if I keep doing everything right and the weight just never goes away?

I realize that this is being a little histrionic, but I'm being honest in saying that nothing feels worse than the idea that this weight loss thing might not even be within my control.  Is every weigh-in going to be a crap shoot? Will I get accustomed to doing the work and nonetheless seeing gains on the scale and having absolutely no explanation for it?

Nothing (in the dieting world, anyway) feels worse than this feeling of powerlessness.

EDIT: Tried the scale again. It says 134.4 now. Whether or not that's true ???  I am not sure what to make of this.  I can't determine if this whole thing has just been scale-trickery or what.  But here's a photo for my own peace of mind:


And I take back all that stuff I said about Whole Foods.  I'll take stagnation any day over a gain. 

1 comment:

  1. I'm often lighter a few hours after I wake up if I forget to eat breakfast and/or have a lovely mid-morning poo. Let's hit the paddle boats at City Park! It's killer cardio, as it's like cycling in sand.

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