48 Days Until Gown: Clearing out the (Skeletons in the) Closet

Well, last night fiance and I decided to clean out our closets and get rid of things that we never wear anymore and will likely never wear again.  It was his idea. We needed more space, he argued.  I begrudgingly agreed. But what I thought was just going to be a run-of-the-mill spring cleaning marathon turned into a event of self-esteem shaking proportions.

As I opened my walk-in closet and journeyed past the items that I wear regularly these days, I came across a proverbial grave yard of cute clothes that fit me "back when..."

Some stuff was easy to toss; gauzy looking floral dresses that I bought when I was in high school.  Sure, they don't fit anymore, but even if they did there was no way I would be caught dead in them in public.  I thought for a moment about saving them for just the right "theme party" or costume down the road, but the thought was fleeting and I removed them from my closet with ease.

But then I came across some far less embarrassing and more stylish things that I couldn't even believe used to fit me. The jeans were the worst.  Size 2's, size 4's....they looked like something that a small child would wear.  I couldn't believe that they fit me just three years ago before I started law school.   I couldn't decide whether throwing away something that fit me in my early years of college was tantamount to giving up on ever getting down to that weight again.   I don't want to give up.  I want to think that I can be that girl again.  Does that mean I have to keep the clothes?

These were all thoughts that went through my head as I trudged through my closet.  

I threw them away.

I decided at that moment to be proud of what I've been doing for the last three weeks.  And to be hopeful for the next 7.  And if I ever lose enough weight to get back into things that size, I will reward myself with new stuff.  But there is nothing to gain from keeping relics from skinny-days gone by as a constant reminder in my closet.   There is no reason that someone who is 1 pound away from a 10 lb weight loss benchmark should be feeling shameful....and those clothes, well, keeping them would only overshadow what I am doing here and now.  It would do nothing but remind me of the years of bad choices that got me here and do nothing to make me feel good about trying to turn it around now.

I woke up today feeling world's lighter.   I attribute it to the great purge.

And of course, to this:

Weight: 129.0  (-9.0 since starting the blog; -0.6 since yesterday)
Calories consumed: 1100 (I am gradually going to increase a little to try to raise my metabolism)
Exercise: None. But I am enjoying a nice long workout as soon as I get off this blog.

Wish me luck!