25 Days Until Gown: BOOM Baby!!

MWAH HAHAHAHAHAHA!!  Oh, silly scale.  I have bested you yet again.

Alright, I am sure that everyone knows that this weigh-in was Wine-Assisted. How else do you explain a nearly 2 pound drop overnight.?   What can I say?  I had just finished my last class EVER as a law student and I was ready to do some celebrating (some very well-earned, three-years-in-the-making celebrating).

So let's catch everyone up since the last time I posted (not including yesterday's "I'll call you when I get there to let you know I'm not dead" post).

I believe last time I posted was the morning after the Moot Court Banquet (a Diet Abandonment Event) and I was weighing in at a Wine-Assisted 125.0   Well, since then I was staying hydrated, studying, sticking to the diet (with the exception of a couple ridiculously cheesy slices of pizza on Saturday) and was able to get down to 125.4 with fluids.  Then that brings me to today's weigh in.  123.6.  Heh.  I haven't seen that number on the scale since about August 2009.  Not too shabby with or without a Wine-Assist.  (and it's a good pound and a half less than my last Wine-Assisted weigh-in, so it's progress).

What else is new?  I have a gown!!  Or at least the beginning stages of one.  I went to my seamstress to try on what she's done so far and was really pleased.  The thing makes me look SO skinny! I want to post a picture but I don't want to spoil the fun!  (I don't know if anyone is paying attention, but the only more closely guarded secret than Kate Middleton's wedding dress is my wedding dress). No really. It's super mega secret. At 3.5 weeks out, even I don't know what the final product is going to look like.  Top that, Waity Katie.

But what I do know: the thing is slimming.

Anyway, I am off to study some more, do the 30 Day Shred (it's gotten a lot easier...I feel a bit silly for demonizing it so much before), and then celebrate some pretty awesome things at my favorite sushi joint.  Can't top that!

29, 28, 27, 26 Days Until Gown: FINAL EXAMS

It's exam time ya'll.

Chunky Bride (sorry! it still sticks!) has been soooooo busy studying and making sure that I still graduate from law school that I haven't had a chance to write.

Tomorrow I will do a legitimate blog post, but I wanted to do this one quickly so no one worries that I've died.

For today, I will rely on my brother and his girlfriend's old standby and mention that I am weighing in at 125.4 without any semblance of a hangover.

Oh! And in other news, I've been actually doing the 30 Day Shred.  I am seeing the beginnings of "abs" on my ridiculous torso.

More tomorrow!

30 Days Until Gown: It's FRIDAY

Okay.  So unless you've been living under a rock for the last few weeks there is this song called "Friday" by Rebecca Black that's been taking the Internet by storm.  I highly suggest listening to it as I explain yesterday's shortcomings because no matter how much I epically failed at my diet yesterday, it's still no match for the epic fail that is this music video. 

Exercise:  None...No, wait! I did clean up the house pretty thoroughly so at least I wasn't just sitting around studying.  That counts right? Right?

Calories Consumed: 1731.  Yikes. That's considerably higher than 1200. To be fair, a lot of those were from edamame, artichokes, and low-fat turkey burger patties.  But to also be honest, a lot of them were from the most delicious sauvignon blanc I've had in a really long time. 

Weight: 125.0!!!!!!!!!  

Yet again! We learn that cheating has its moments of triumph. This weight-loss machine is currently running on the fumes of dehydration, but I don't care! (Until tomorrow anyway!) 

So I am just going to go ahead and pretend that this is completely legitimate and brag about it. 

-13.0 since beginning the blog; -15.0 since the Oscars; -0.4 since yesterday

Remember back in the beginning of the blog when I said that I had lost a couple sticks of butter?  I enjoyed that visualization because it made me feel like I was really doing something! Well, try this on for size.  15 pounds is the equivalent of the largest size bag of cat food that they sell at my local Petco. 

That's a lot of kibble. 

But today is Saturday and the Shred awaits so I must go! Wish me luck! 

31 Days Until Gown: A Gripe

Well last night was the Moot Court banquet.  A pre-determined, Diet Abandonment (DA) event.

How'd I do?

Exercise: Danced my bootie off!
Calories: No idea, and it would completely defeat the purpose of DA to try to ascertain the calories consumed.
Weight: 125.4 (although I am sure that the wine is helping me out here) (-0.2 (or potentially -0.8) since yesterday's Sorting Scale incident; -12.6 since starting the blog; -14.6 since the Oscars).

I actually did not get a chance to eat a whole lot at the banquet--which was sort of a bummer given that it was a DA event.  I had to help with giving out the awards right after the buffet was opened and I was too busy mingling to really get a chance to eat the tray-passed hors d'oeuvres, but the stuff I did eat was pretty decadent (bacon-wrapped fried shrimp comes to mind....)

I am so not looking forward to tomorrow's weigh-in.

In fact, here's some photographic proof of today's weigh in.  I include this only because I anticipate that I will be bummed out tomorrow and this might serve as a nice little reminder of the good-ole-days.

Sigh....I'll enjoy it while it lasts. 

Oh!  I have a gripe!  Yes, a gripe. All this talk about upwards fluctuations reminds me that I am a little irked at myfitnesspal.  One of my all time favorite features on the fitness pal is the graph that charts my weight loss.  It's an excellent tool for days where my weight fluctuates upwards because the visual of the chart reminds me that in the big-picture I am still losing weight.  See chart: 

Well.  That tool has one major shortcoming.  It only tracks, like, 30 days worth of weigh ins---which is really annoying when that hacks off like 8 pounds worth of work. Do you see the top of that chart which appears to be hovering around 132 or something?!  Well, that particular weigh-in up there came on the heels of an ENTIRE MARDI GRAS without so much as a sip of beer or a tasty parade-route snack.  

I WANT CREDIT FOR TIME SERVED, DAMNIT!  So I am going to write a letter to the fitnesspal people asking them to please correct this defect because it is quite discouraging.   In fact, I am going to suggest they change their name to "myfitnessacquaintance" because no "pal" of mine would ever disregard 8 pounds worth of dieting and exercise during the most decadent time of the year. 

Hmph. 

32 days until gown: The Sorting Scale

So I finalllly did the Shred. It wasn't horrible, but my arms have definitely felt better. I will say that that workout hurt enough that I simply will NOT tolerate an upwards fluctuation on the scale today. Which brings me to....

The Sorting Scale.

The Sorting Scale is the name I've adopted for my goofy scale on days when it seems to bounce back and forth between two weights before finally settling on one. For readers who aren't total geeks, this concept is a play on the Sorting Hat in Harry Potter that uses a combination of factors (not least of all including the preference of the hat-wearer)to place the hat-wearer in one of the houses at Hogwarts. I could go on, but I won't.

Anyway, this morning I had a bit of a Sorting Scale situation. The Scale seemed to be torn between whether I should be 126.2 or 125.6.

There's an obvious choice here, people! But nevertheless it settled on 126.2. After I did the Shred. With my muscles burning. Well I stared at it's choice. Blinked a couple times. I double checked. Affirmed.

And that's when I decided: over my. dead. body.

So I waited an hour, took off my jewelry, forced myself to pee (there must be some far-off corner of the human bladder that I didn't know about to make that happen), and spit in the sink like 10 times.

Tried again.

Weight:125.6

IT COUNTS

Will attach photographic proof when I get to a real computer.

PHOTOGRAPHIC PROOF:

33 Days to the Gown: Walking on Sunshine

I have nothing but good things to report today!

Calories Consumed: 1183 (including 56 grams of protein and only 18 grams of fat)

Exercise: 60 minutes; walking 3.0 mph; whilst carrying the amount of weight I've lost so far in a bag.

Weight: A completely hydrated and legitimate 125.8 (-0.6 since yesterday; -12.2 since beginning blog; -14.2 since the Oscars)

Oh, what the heck, let's throw in a Scale Shot to mark the occasion:

And I have an interview!!  Yay!  It's with a great law firm downtown in New Orleans and I am super excited and nervous at the same time.  I don't want to get my hopes up to much, but this is definitely a good thing so I am going to just be happy for now.  This Bride is now accepting all good vibes, thoughts, prayers, and major credit cards.

In wedding news, my shoes (revised from before) arrived in the mail.  They are literally the most comfortable dress shoes--heck, most comfortable shoes in general (aside from Lucy and Ricky, of course)--that I've ever tried on in my life.  Ever.  I am so glad I made the switch.

OUT. 

I am guessing I would have looked back and cringed one day.  And after about 30 minutes of standing would have been cringing that day too. 

IN.  

Classier, I think.  And more comfortable.  And more "seersucker wedding gownish"

What else is new?  Well, not a whole lot!

Tonight one of my friends and bridesmaids is coming over to force me to do the Shred.  I am not looking forward to doing it, but I am glad to have company---misery always loves company--and someone to force me not to stop after minute 8. 

I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow--assuming, of course, I can actually use the muscles in my hands to type. 

I'm out! 

EDIT: I accidentally put 135.8 earlier, but I have corrected it to 125.8.  If I woke up weighing 135.8 I would not be walking on sunshine, I'd be walking off the nearest tall building after wondering how I gained nearly 8 pounds overnight. 

34 Days Until Gown: Diet Abandonment

Calories consumed: 1166 (including far too much pickled cauliflower for my blood pressure's own good)
Weight: 126.4 (-1.2 since yesterday's catastrophe, -11.6 since beginning the blog, -13.6 since the Oscars,  and I am quite confident that I am as hydrated as I can be)

Okay, given today's decent weigh-in, I feel like I might have overreacted a bit to yesterday's set back.  I ought to know better than to think that you can gain a pound and a half from going roughly 400 calories over the limit in one weekend because I know that a pound of body fat is equivalent to about 3500 calories--incidentally, I don't like to use the blog to preach weight loss tips (at least not the scientific kind) because I am by no means an expert, but thermodynamically that's just the truth. If nothing else, I probably should have saved my "Oh Fortuna" clip for when something worse happens.  Oh, well.

Today's topic: Diet Abandonment (or "DA").

You might be wondering: what is DA?

Well, similarly to "cheating," DA involves deviating from the BBR in its strictest form.  Indeed, both cheating and DA involve consuming more calories than the BBR permits.  However a major distinction between cheating and DA is that DA typically involves planned-ahead, unavoidable splurginess.  Cheating, on the other hand, is a momentary loss of willpower in the face of--usually unanticipated--temptation.  For example, attending a "wedding cake tasting" is a case of DA; it's unavoidable and expected that you will eat cake at the event.  The only issue up for debate is how much cake you will eat.  By contrast, when attending a run-of-the-mill BBQ if you succumb to the chocolatey goodness of a platter of cupcakes, this is a case of "cheating."

It's a subtle distinction.  Some might even say it's a pointless distinction.  So why make it?  Well, as the big day gets closer and closer I am beginning to realize that there might be events that call for some high calorie indulgence (the Rehearsal Dinner comes to mind...so does this week's Moot Court Banquet for that matter).  I don't want to consider enjoying those events "cheating." I just don't.   It doesn't seem fair to consider enjoying truly special occasions "cheating."  So I have invented the DA concept to allow me to face situations that are bound to call for calorie excesses without feeling like I am some sort of a failure.

That being said....with all this DA coming up, I really, really, really need to start the Shred.

*whimpers....*

35 Days Until Gown: NEED A PLAN.

(For maximum reading experience, click here).

Alright.   So.  Apparently when you go on a two-day diet vacation, it is the day after you get back on track (read: get rehydrated) that you really feel the damage.

Weight: 127.6. Oof!!   A full week behind schedule.  If you recall, this was last Monday's goal weight for a pedicure.  This is not good things.  This puts me 1.5 pounds over where I should be right now if I want to lose 1.5 pounds a week and get down to 120 for the wedding.  This is what we in the business call, "a huge f***ing setback." This. Is. Bad.

The lesson to be learned here: cheating doesn't pay.

So here I am, exactly 5 weeks out from the wedding and I need to lose 7.6 pounds to reach my goal, win the bet with my Father, conquer the gown, and save the world!  

What I need now is a plan. A plan to get back on track, ramp it up a notch, and still, somehow, find time to study for my rapidly approaching final exams.

My friends, I didn't want to have to do this, but I think it's time to reach into the Bag-O-Plans.

Plan 1:  The Anaconda Plan

Popularized during the 1860s, the Anaconda Plan refers to the systematic naval and terrestrial blockade of imports to the seceding states during the Civil War.  Put simply, the idea was to starve the people of the South into submission and force their return to the Union.  Last I checked, we are still, in fact, one nation which indicates to me that the Anaconda Plan worked.  If that plan could starve a bunch of surly rebels into rejoining the Union, then it can certainly starve me into losing 7.6 pounds in 5 weeks.  So, President Obama, would you mind cutting off the entire Southern portion of the country from any imports?  My guess is that before long the bars, restaurants, and grocery stores that have contributed to my demise will be out of business and thinness will ensue (and not just for me, but also for 2/3 of us that are overweight!)

Plan 2: The Jam Plan 


Popularized by the 1990s sitcom, Friends, the Jam Plan refers to Monica Gellar's plan to "get over her man" (ex-boyfriend Richard played by Tom Selleck) by doing nothing but making a ton of homemade jam.  Now, I am certainly not advocating that I try to get over Chunky Groom by resorting to strange cooking techniques. But I do think that a diet consisting of strictly jam might be just gross enough that I get violently ill and lose a ton of weight just like "that."

Plan 3: The Eating Disorder Plan


Inspired by the Jam Plan, why stop at eating nothing but jam?  Why not simply progress into eating nothing but...nothing?   Or perhaps, nothing for a really long time, and then a whole bunch of stuff all at once, and then puking?

No, on second thought, let's not do the Eating Disorder Plan.  It is a silly plan.

Plan 4: The 30 Day Shred


Inspired by Satan and brought to your living room by Jillian Michaels, the 30 Day Shred is actually a practical plan that would probably work.  And I already own the DVD.  And it's actually in my DVD player at this very moment.  And my elbow appears to be feeling better.  And I no longer have Moot Court obligations.  And it is roughly 30 days out from the wedding...

....this is making too much sense not to try.

Damnit!

39, 38, 37, 36 Days Until Gown...

Okay.  I think it's evident that I've been a bit remiss about blogging this week.   This week was crazy.  The 7 day period beginning last Friday involved so much Moot Court attention that I literally couldn't find the time to fit in blogging, school, and having some semblance of a life.  Hopefully, today will end the Moot Court madness and life can get back to normal.

I have some shortcomings to report.  On Friday and Saturday I went over my calorie limit both days.  Friday, I indulged in a slice of pizza (a pretty ridiculous, large, and topping filled slice) and quite a few more beers than I ought to have.  And Saturday I stayed true to the BBR in terms of meals, but I had more wine than I ought to have.

Currently, I am weighing in at 126.6 (-0.6 from last blog; -11.4 since beginning of the blog; -13.4 since my starting weight of 140)

So I posted a loss this week, but I am not going to be able to cheat like that in the long run if I want to reach my goal of 120 by the wedding day.  I said on the very first blog post ever: what is the point of the hard work during on the week if I am just going to blow it on the weekends?  I had my fun this weekend and now it's strictly back to the BBR.  I can't get cocky now and assume that the weight will continue to melt away if I don't keep doing the work.

Speaking of which, I have a meeting at school in an hour which gives me just enough time to walk there if I sign off now.

Signing off!

40 Days: It's All Routine

Okay, all "Jillian=the Devil" jokes aside there is something wrong with my right elbow after doing the Shred.  I thought that my arms were just sore--and, I mean, they were.  However after 2 days my arm muscles all feel a lot better but my right elbow is still in some pretty serious pain.  I can't fully extend it or fully flex it and it is tender to the touch.  I am hoping that it feels better soon because it's sort of an important joint.

In other news, something else is wrong: namely, my scale.

Weight: 127.4 (+0.2 from yesterday and the day before; -10.6 since beginning of blog)
Calories: 1200 (a little under)
Exercise: I'm out on injury! And I am "questionable" for tomorrow...(Has anyone else caught on that I am far more disciplined when it comes to dieting than working out?)

WTF, Sorting Scale?  You were hovering between 126.6 and 127.2 for the last two days.  How could I have gained some?!  I am not pleased.  Not at all.  Hmph.

Well.  There's not much to do about it except just keep doing what I am doing. This whole "dieting and very little drinking" thing has become so routine.  I was actually re-reading my earlier posts and it's amazing how far I've come in terms of making a "lifestyle" change.  I used to struggle to stick with the diet and find foods that fit the diet and avoid foods that would destroy the diet but now it's just sort of "what I do."  I don't really have to think about it at all.   I have a nice arsenal of foods that I've eaten so often with success that I know they are fine, and I am adding to that arsenal every day.  It's not really a struggle to not eat decadent stuff because I "just don't" eat decadent stuff.  I wonder if this is how newly converted vegetarians feel.

I am sure I will feel differently at the Moot Court Banquet that I am going to next week.  I am sure I'll want to go nuts.  But my first actual fitting where I'll get to see the gown is the next day I don't want to get too carried away.

Since the tribute to deliciousness, I've stumbled upon a couple more things that I think are just fantastic and worth a mention:

For Late-Night Snacking:

Pickled cauliflower.  Holy moly.  For the punch of an olive without the fat or calories (and without the dilly-ness of pickles), this is the best thing I've found.   Just 5 calories for a salty, tangy, spicy 1/3 cup of this stuff.  Yumness.

For All-Day Snacking and Energy:

Hard-boiled Egg Whites.  You cannot get more protein for fewer calories, folks (at least as far as I know). At 6 grams of protein and 17 calories a piece, I love these to keep my energy up throughout the day.  And they're user-friendly too: there's no need to refrigerate once they are boiled so I like to keep one or two in my purse at school.  And, yes, people think I am really weird when I peel them in the bathroom, but I am woman on a mission and, frankly, I am used to getting strange looks from people.

For When I Wanna Enjoy What Everyone Else is Having:

MorningStar Spicy Black Bean Burger.  Now that the weather is getting nicer I keep finding myself at these BBQs where everyone gets to enjoy hotdogs and hamburgers with reckless abandon.  These are my savior.  With cheese, condiments, bun, lettuce and tomato, the entire burger comes it at about 250 calories.  One word of warning for anyone who might try these: don't expect them to be a "meat" substitute--you'll just be disappointed because while tasty, these patties are not "juicy" like meat.  But they're still pretty good.  And because there is no meat I could, in theory, carry them around in my purse all weekend lest I end up at a BBQ.  But I haven't sunk so low yet. And that sounds a bit too gross to try. 

For When the Craving JUST WON'T GO AWAY:

Amy's Cheese Pizza.   Y'all, this pizza is the ONLY frozen one I have ever had that tasted one bit as good as a real, honest-to-goodness, restaurant-quality pizza.  It's the real deal.  And it's not particularly healthy (290 calories for 1/3 of a fairly small pizza).  But sometimes I just simply have to have pizza.  Real pizza.  Not crap-passing-for-pizza sold by Lean Cuisine, Smart Ones, and the whole crew.  This stuff is worth the splurge for the pizzeria flavor with calorie-transparency.

That's it for now!  Let's hope for some DOWNWARD progress tomorrow.

Sorting Scale, I command you to go down!

41 Days Until Gown: I'm Shrinking!!

I'm shrinking!!! Yes, indeedio.  If I were a garment, I'd be low-quality polyblend sold at Forever 21.

How did I come to learn that I was shrinking?  Well, I went in to get remeasured for my wedding gown. The first time she measured me was about 4 days before Matt and I took our engagement pictures.  See before shot:

At the appointment, we discovered that I've lost 3 inches from my chest, 3.5 inches from my waist, and 1.75 inches from my hips.  I was starting to think it was just my imagination that I wasn't losing weight in my lower half as quickly, but it turns out I was correct.

I wanted to ask her to measure around each of my thighs just so that I would know if I start shrinking there too, but seeing as that measurement would be completely irrelevant to the size of my dress I decided against it because she might have thought I was psycho or something.

In other news, I FINALLY STARTED THE SHRED.  And I finally realized why they call it the Shred.  It's because Jillian makes you wish that you could shred the f-ing DVD into a million pieces and stab her in the neck with the shards.

Now, I have to confess, I started the Shred...and I made it through about 8 minutes.   I am pretty sure that, aside from Jillian, Satan himself is the only person who can manage to cram so much misery into 8 minutes.

See the resemblance?

She started--STARTED!--the work out by making me do push ups.  What the deuce?! Push ups!?  Didn't she get the memo: I'm a girl!  I don't do push ups!  And if we must do them at all, could you at least give a girl some warning?  Like maybe do them at like minute 6 rather than right out of the gate?

After 8 minutes of the Shred my arms were done.  Just done. In truth, I could have done a lot more ab stuff and probably a bit more with legs.  But I couldn't even hold my poor little wine glass steady last night because my arm muscles were shaking and sore.

Today I will try to finish the Shred...or at least get into the double-digits of minutes doing the Shred.

Here are the stats:

Calories Consumed: 1300 (I cheated; I know...)
Weight: 127.2 (no change....which I'm happy with considering that I cheated)
Exercise: exactly 8.2 minutes of the Shred....which I am fairly certain doesn't count at all.  Although I am in a decent amount of pain today.

Signing off until tomorrow,

Spunky Bride

42 Days Until Gown: PEDICURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally!!  At long last!! I have actually reached a goal that I have set for myself and I get a treat!  And not a moment too soon!

Weight: 127.2 (-10.8 since beginning of blog; -2.0 this week) Alright so it's a bit of an upward spike from yesterday, but yesterday was hangover-assisted.  So I'll take it!  (And the Sorting Scale was really leaning towards 126.8 so hopefully tomorrow I'll reenter 126 territory).

Calories consumed: 1200.  I think I am sticking with 1200.  It appears to work.

Exercise:  I don't want to talk about it...

This is good news people!  I have got to thank everyone who suggested upping the calories to 1200.  I feel like I am actually losing weight faster this way...which seems so counterintuitive but it appears to work.  So I won't question it and just go with it.

I am so amped about getting my pedicure today. I am literally typing explosively and without regard for grammar or syntax or eloquence because the second I get off this computer I am getting in the car and entering the first place I pass that reeks of acrylic and acetone.

Can't wait.

44 and 43 Days: The End of an Era

I have some big news.  Some may even say sad news.  Just remember, all good things must come to an end.  Today we bid adieu to a good friend:  Chunky Bride.

It's official.  This bride is no longer chunky. 

Weight: 127.0 (yesterday); 126.6 (today) (-11.4 pounds since the beginning of the blog; -1.8 pounds since the last blog) Woo hoo!! I've passed the 10 pound mark! Finally! 

PROOF:

But wait, there's more.

Dress Size: 6; down from size 10. 

Jeans: Size 8; down from size 10. 

Suits: Size 6; down from size 10.  (Blazer size: Small, down from a snug fitting Medium). 

Shoes:  Exactly the same. It's so frustrating! 

(In case you haven't guessed, I played dress up this morning after seeing the number on the scale). 

 In light of the above statistics, I don't really think I can get away with the self-deprecating moniker "Chunky Bride" anymore.  Of course I'll still blog; there's still work to be done.  I prefer to still blog anonymously lest a prominent New Orleans legal employer stumbles across these ridiculous ramblings.    So I need a new name!   I can't think of any right now, but I am open to suggestions.  Nothing ridiculous like "Skinny Bride" as that would be a bit of a stretch. 

Also, in the interest of full disclosure, I stayed under my 1200 calorie limit both yesterday and the day before, but I did indulge in wine both nights so I wouldn't be surprised if my weight goes back up a bit tomorrow.  I am hoping to at least stay under 127.6 because that means I get a pedicure! Finally! 

Today I am super excited about having my life back after the craziness of Friday and Saturday.  I am going to reward myself with a nice 4 mile long walk to the tanning salon and some Whole Foods sushi.  (I am on much better terms with Whole Foods now that I know the nutritional info).  I can't wait. 

And also...tonight begins The SHRED.  I think that today is the perfect day to take on the sneering Hell Cat that is Jillian because my schedule is finally back to normal, I am amped up about fitting into a bunch of my clothes again, and tomorrow's high-stakes weigh-in calls for an extra burst of exercise today.  

Wish me luck!!!! 

Signing off forever,

Chunky Bride. 

45 Days to the Gown: The Fiance Speaks Out

Hi y'all!  Chunky Bride, here.  I just wanted to quickly post my stats before starting what will surely be one of the fullest days of my life (for the last few months I've been planning a huge event at the law school that takes place today and tomorrow). 


Weight: 128.4 NO CHANGE....grrrr
Calories: 1100 (I just can't get up to 1200 without going into shock)
Exercise:  The Shred (still) awaits. Oh, quit judging. It's a 30-day Shred, after all.  And last I checked, I still have 45! 


With that out of the way, I would like to proudly turn over the keyboard to my fiance so that he can share his take on this whole BBR thing.


Take it away, Chunky Groom! 


Okay so Chunky Groom is not into writing a guest column. That's fair.



I gotta be honest; tomorrow there will likely not be a post because I am crazy busy

46 Days Until Gown: Mein Shred

This blog is best paired with this audio clip.  For those who might be at work or in class, just hum the Imperial March from Star Wars to yourself quietly.

Okay.  So.  The course of human history is peppered with some personalities that are influential enough, crazy enough, evil enough, and just plain scary enough to make the rest of us mere mortals shake in our proverbial boots.  And for whatever reason, these people also seem to relish in publishing books.  Indeed, from Machiavelli's The Prince to Hitler's Mein Kampf, the world is littered with publications by people whose resume's should read "Employment: dictator and misery-spreader; Interests: freelance writing."

But there is one person, my friends, who has rocketed past the likes of Machiavelli and Hitler and secured her spot directly at the top of the evil pyramid: and her name is Jillian.

Oh, don't let that soft, wavy hair fool you.  Beneath that airbrushed exterior lies a merciless huntress.  An evil warrior.  And, fittingly enough, an author.

She has a book too.  Hitler would be proud.   But Jillian has a leg up (oh...don't say "leg up") on all the other crazies of pre-modern and modern time because in addition to a book of evil this woman also has videotapes.  Plural.  But one....just one is the stuff of legend.

The 30 Day Shred.

Now I haven't tried the Shred per se.  I flagrantly lied on my blog when I said that I was going to do it yesterday.  I tried to do it.  I did.  But then I got the warnings.  Oh, the warnings.  Complete strangers started telling me how terrifying the Shred is and how much my poor little body would surely ache today if I attempted the Shred.  I choked.

I am intent upon trying it today. But I am scared.  I've already broken a nail just breaking through the shiny cellophane that ensconces the Shred.  But I must do it.

I must psyche myself up for this.  I desperately need a metabolism boost.  I must start "toning."  Even the word makes my calves hurt.  Today begins...the Shred.

But in other news:

Weight: 128.4 (-0.4 since yesterday; -9.6 overall)
Calories Consumed: 1100
Exercise:  Beware the Shred.....

47 Days Until Gown: Metabolism Boost

Okay.  I have been getting comments on the blog that 1000-1100 calories is too few and it could be a reason that my weight loss has been slowing down because my body has entered "starvation mode."  These people might be on to something.

Now,  I am very hesitant about this because I don't want to mess with something that has been working for me so far, but I think I am going to increase my daily calories to 1200 and see what happens.  I started yesterday.  I actually did the math on myfitnesspal and 1200 should be fine assuming that I am "lightly" active.  I am mainly worried about the increase because my lifestyle is largely sedentary; when I don't make the time to actually work out, my day consists of sitting. A lot of sitting.

My hesitations aside, this morning's weigh-in went well.

Calories consumed: 1200. *insert nervous giggles...*
Weight: 128.6 (-0.4 since yesterday; -9.4 pounds overall). Holy cow!  Can I take a moment to bask in the lowest weight I've been (sans wine-over) since Fall 2009?  This feels good. I am a little nervous about tomorrow's weigh-in because the scale seemed to be struggling with the choice between 129 and 128.6 before finally settling.  I felt like Harry Potter in the Sorting Hat.  I had to practically "will" the thing to go down to 128.6 because it definitely wanted to place me elsewhere.

I was so nervous about the Sorting Scale's 129 proclivities, that I snapped this photo just to prove that I didn't dream it:

Additionally, in the spirit of revving up my metabolism, Fiance bought me the Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred that I am going to try out today.  I am hoping that building some muscle will burn more calories. And plus, my butt will look great.

Heh. Maybe there is something to this 1200 calories thing.  I am going to give it a week and see what happens.  Hopefully I will FINALLY reach my 127.6 benchmark next Monday and get a pedicure after the gown fitting.

In other news: some of my Pre-Chunky Bride clothes fit again! I am wearing my old jeans (my old "fat" jeans, but hey, I'll take it) and I think they look rather good!

I have also started tanning (a little bit) in preparation for the wedding.  I know. I know. I know the cancer risks and the risks of looking like a shriveled up purse later in life.  But I am getting married!  I will probably never wear a solid white gown again and I am going to look bronzed and awesome in it this one time!  It also has this way of making me look skinnier. I swear it's not my imagination.

It's not!

48 Days Until Gown: Clearing out the (Skeletons in the) Closet

Well, last night fiance and I decided to clean out our closets and get rid of things that we never wear anymore and will likely never wear again.  It was his idea. We needed more space, he argued.  I begrudgingly agreed. But what I thought was just going to be a run-of-the-mill spring cleaning marathon turned into a event of self-esteem shaking proportions.

As I opened my walk-in closet and journeyed past the items that I wear regularly these days, I came across a proverbial grave yard of cute clothes that fit me "back when..."

Some stuff was easy to toss; gauzy looking floral dresses that I bought when I was in high school.  Sure, they don't fit anymore, but even if they did there was no way I would be caught dead in them in public.  I thought for a moment about saving them for just the right "theme party" or costume down the road, but the thought was fleeting and I removed them from my closet with ease.

But then I came across some far less embarrassing and more stylish things that I couldn't even believe used to fit me. The jeans were the worst.  Size 2's, size 4's....they looked like something that a small child would wear.  I couldn't believe that they fit me just three years ago before I started law school.   I couldn't decide whether throwing away something that fit me in my early years of college was tantamount to giving up on ever getting down to that weight again.   I don't want to give up.  I want to think that I can be that girl again.  Does that mean I have to keep the clothes?

These were all thoughts that went through my head as I trudged through my closet.  

I threw them away.

I decided at that moment to be proud of what I've been doing for the last three weeks.  And to be hopeful for the next 7.  And if I ever lose enough weight to get back into things that size, I will reward myself with new stuff.  But there is nothing to gain from keeping relics from skinny-days gone by as a constant reminder in my closet.   There is no reason that someone who is 1 pound away from a 10 lb weight loss benchmark should be feeling shameful....and those clothes, well, keeping them would only overshadow what I am doing here and now.  It would do nothing but remind me of the years of bad choices that got me here and do nothing to make me feel good about trying to turn it around now.

I woke up today feeling world's lighter.   I attribute it to the great purge.

And of course, to this:

Weight: 129.0  (-9.0 since starting the blog; -0.6 since yesterday)
Calories consumed: 1100 (I am gradually going to increase a little to try to raise my metabolism)
Exercise: None. But I am enjoying a nice long workout as soon as I get off this blog.

Wish me luck!

49 Days to the Gown: Discouraging Start

Weight: 129.6
Calories Consumed:  1020
Exercise: 60 minutes; power walking 4.0 mph

Uggghhhh....the weight loss gods have it out for me. This is what I get for cheating twice last week.  I've been perfectly good ever since the latest deflection from the BBR on Thursday and I am still being punished!  129.6.  Come on!  Someone help a sister out! I gotta get down to 127.6 by next Monday's dress fitting.  That's 2 pounds.  I am a little nervous about whether it will be possible.  I have had pretty bad luck with reaching my goals this far, but if I want to stay on track to get to 120 in 7 weeks, I have got to lose at least 1.5 pounds a week.  So here goes nothing.

One thing that has made the BBR a little easier lately is that my fiance is actually on a diet for the wedding now too.  It was so hard being the only person who wasn't enjoying beers and wine and fatty foods.  Now there are two of us.  Lesson: the old adage "misery loves company" is completely true.

Oh! I found a cool new app.  I was getting really sick of not knowing how fast or how far I've been walking.  I tried manually entering my routes into Google Maps and stuff, but it just didn't quite work out because walking routes differ from driving routes--especially when I walk through the park on the way to and from school.   So I downloaded an app called Walkmeter that is basically a fancy pedometer that uses GPS signals from the iPhone to track me as I move around.   The best feature: I can enter my height and weight and it tells me how many calories I've burned from my movements.

I was also able to use Walkmeter to figure out whether the calorie "estimates" on my fitnesspal's exercise listings were accurate. The craziest thing ever: the calorie estimates on myfitnesspal were identical to the detailed calculations on Walkmeter.  Both apps had my 59:14 minute long, 4 mile walk burning 293 calories.  I was really surprised. I thought for sure that myfitnesspal would be at least a couple dozen calories off.   You learn something new every day.

Let's hope for a big loss tomorrow!

52, 51, 50 Days to the Gown: THE BIGGEST B-LOSER

Previously on, The Biggest B-Loser  ("Bride-Loser").....

After weeks of relentless adherence to the BBR, Chunky Bride stunned the competition and viewers when she cheated to avoid wearing a hideous velour tracksuit.  Her ploy worked, but soon she traversed back into the 130s after rehydrating herself.  Silly Chunky Bride.  But true to form, she eventually re-entered the 120s on her own willpower and dieting alone.  But after a few days in the 120s, she had another "fluctuation" back into the 130s leaving her feeling depressed and irritated. 

What will happen on today on The Biggest B-Loser?

Alright, alright.  I am sure everyone gets the point.  It's been a while since I've blogged.  I am truly sorry for that, but make no mistake--I have been remiss in blogging, but I've still--basically--adhered to the BBR during this time of silence.  

It has been so incredibly busy around here; I would explain why but I think this illustration by my brother and his girlfriend says it best: 

Thanks for the art, you two!  I should explain to the rest of the readers that in exchange for their art saving me a good 30 minutes of explaining what the heck has been going on over the last three days, I am to enjoy a nice long work out.  And I will be doing that the second that I get off this computer. 

Where to begin...it's been a while so I should probably start by posting a graphical chart of my weight loss to put things in perspective: 

The good news is that the progression is still decidedly downward.  The bad news is that the progress has slowed quite a bit.  If you notice, the lowest point on the chart was actually from Friday, March 25, 2010.  That morning I clocked in at 128.4 which is an all-time low. It was, however, the result of cheating.  I had four glasses of wine the night before.  Incidentally, I should mention that my tolerance for alcohol has diminished substantially since the beginning of the BBR.  

Friday and Saturday I adhered to the BBR and this morning weighed in at 129.2.  This is the same weight that I was on Wednesday morning before the fluctuation back to 130.  So this week has really not been particularly successful.  I began Monday morning at 129.6 and am ending at 129.2.  That's only a half a pound of weight loss.  If I want to lose the remaining nine and a half pounds by the wedding, I've got to post about 1.5 pounds a week (a little less actually).  The pressure is on!  

The lessons I've learned this week: diet-wise, I am not going to be able to have little glasses of wine here and there if I want to seriously lose the rest of the weight.  This was the first week of "experimenting" with enjoying calorie-laden beverages, and while I did lose some weight and I would be happy with that sort of progress if I had unlimited time, I am 50 days out from the gown.  And I am exactly one week away from my first fitting FOR the gown (April 4).  

GOAL: 1.5 pounds per week from here on out.  That means 127.6 by next week's fitting. 

The CARROT:  PEDICURE! It really is starting to stink that I haven't reached a single pedicure benchmark.  Maybe this will be the one!

The STICK:  Well, I've ordered my www.toiletwarrior.com t-shirt.  Perhaps I could use a matching trucker-hat.  Ashton Kutcher would be proud. 

That's all for today!  Thanks for everyone's support.  I apologize for the huge lag between posts this week.  I will forewarn that until April 2 there might be more lags.  I am organizing a very large event at the law school that takes place on April 1 and April 2 and it consumes a TON of time.   But I will do my damnedest! 

53 Days Until Gown: No Weigh In!

Today I was so busy that I forgot to weigh myself!  Seriously. I was driving to school at 6:00 in the morning and it dawned on me halfway there that I forgot to step on the scale after showering. I blame it on the fact that it was still pitch black outside and I was disoriented.  Well that, and I was rushed.  And tired.  And...uh...uh....

Okay fine, I admit it.  I did weigh myself and it fluctuated upwards again.  I just want to pretend that days like this don't even exist.  Today's wound is especially raw because the fluctuation put me back in the 130s.  That's like a WHOLE other ballpark than the 120s.

In any event,

Weight: 130.0 ( -8.0 overall, +0.8 since yesterday. Boo.)
Calories Consumed: 950
Exercise: None.  But my heart rate was elevated all day long from the panic.

I don't really have a whole lot to say today (or time to say it).  My thoughts lately have been pretty tied up with law school related stuff.

I promise I'll come up with something fun to say tomorrow.

54 Days Until Gown: Too Busy to Eat

I'm sorry! I know it's late. It's barely even 54 days to the gown anymore.

I never understood those people who say that they never eat because they're so busy that they "forget."

Well.  I understand now.  Today I was so busy that I did the following things:

1) Forgot to eat.
2) Literally (literally) had a "swoon" when I thought I emailed a letter with a typo to a federal judge.  (The real deal man: I almost fainted. I definitely hyperventilated.  And I cried tears of what can only be described as "shock.")  I wonder if low blood sugar from forgetting to eat had anything to do with this little "spell."
3) Talked on a cellphone whilst at a checkout counter (God, I hate that).
4) Parked illegally--knowingly--because I didn't have time to find a legitimate parking spot (luckily no ticket).
5) And perhaps worst of all: ate dinner at Wendy's.

Tomorrow I get to do it all over again.

The good news however is that I started today at the lightest weight I've seen yet: 129.2
Calories consumed: 1130
Exercise: Ha! If I had time to exercise I would cry tears of joy.

55 Days to the Gown: PERSEVERANCE

Good morning all.  Today I would like to dedicate today's blog to one concept and one concept alone: perseverance.

Perseverance is defined loosely as, "steadfastness in doing something despite the difficulty or the delay in achieving success...and the weird looks you get from people along the way."

With that as a scene-setter, I'd like to tell a story about a fictional dieting girl.  There was once a girl who had an affinity for fattening foods. Alfredo sauce, cheesy pizza, McDonalds cheeseburgers (Plain, dammit! Plain!), French cheese.....there was nothing this girl wouldn't touch.

Well one day, she decided to go on a little diet.  For the most part, her old favorite foods were completely off-limits to her---which was very sad.  She listlessly wandered around the world searching for something--anything--that despite being healthy would taste as decadent and wonderful as the foods she had given up.  Well one day, while the girl was in the midst of her pitiful search, she stumbled upon a large, imposing building that was filled with organic, non-processed, and frighteningly expensive foods (oh, and hipsters; there were also lots of hipsters).

As she stumbled through the large building her eye suddenly caught something: a delicious looking little tray filled with colorful wheels of edible glory.  And on the label, "Spicy Tuna Avocado Roll w/ Brown Rice."  Poetry.  Intrigued, she purchased the STAR (w/ Brown Rice) and tried it.  It was heaven. She had to (HAD TO!) know: just how many calories are in this little miracle?

She searched high and low.  She asked the frighteningly friendly clerks at the store where she purchased the STAR, but to no avail.  She asked the chefs who arrived to make the STAR "fresh daily."  No luck.  She employed her above-average research skills to try to find the information on the Internet.  Nada. She tried dissecting the STAR like a frog in her own kitchen to roughly estimate the calories in each ingredient herself. But no matter how precise she attempted to be, she could never quite calculate the information to a comfortable degree of certainty.

People started to think she was becoming a broken record.  Repetitive.  Relentless.  Frankly, irritating.

But just when she was about to give up, she thought, "Maybe, just maybe, if I email the manufacturer of the STAR I might find my answer."  So she did.

And five days later, Patricia Hadiwidjajaji of Kikka Sushi Incorporated responded:

And the world could finally be at peace.  Sigh. 

Calories consumed: 1070 (precisely 320 of which were from my delicious STAR!) 

Exercise: No time!

Weight: 129.6 (for REAL this time!!  -0.8 from yesterday; -8.4 overall)

56 Days: Back to Reality, Sobriety, and the 130s.

Well it was fun while it lasted, but I couldn't stay in the 120s forever....at least not until drinking some water, anyway.

Calories consumed: 1050
Exercise: 80 minutes; walking 2.5(ish) mph
Weight: 130.4 (-7.6 since the beginning, -0.4 since my last "real" weigh in, +1.0 from yesterday's "assisted" weigh in).

All in all, I am pretty pleased with today's weigh-in.   Despite having gained a pound since yesterday, I've still lost weight since my last hydrated weigh-in.  It's also really nice to know that going over my calorie limit on Saturday didn't completely ruin everything.  I had this terrifying image in my head of stepping on the scale and weighing 138.0 again after just one day going over the limit.

I also feel like I am starting to look a little thinner.  People kept commenting on my weight this weekend.  I wasn't sure if they were just stroking my ego after having read the blog or if they were serious, but it still felt good.  I'm not quite back into my Pre-Saints Superbowl clothes yet, but I am hoping that will happen soon.  I am also pretty sure that this week I will finally hit my 10 pound weight loss mark since beginning the blog!  Eeep!   If nothing else it's something to aspire towards.

The Carrot:  If I reach the 10 pound mark by Sunday, March 27 I am going to finally, finally, FINALLY  get my freakin' pedicure.  It's sandals season people!  This needs to happen.  I look like a cave person. 

The Stick:  If I do not reach the 10 pound mark by the deadline, I am going to puke and die.  Not really.  I am actually pretty pleased with myself right now so I feel kind of bad about imposing a "punishment" if I don't reach the goal.   Okay, I got it.  If I do not reach the deadline I will buy a T-shirt from www.toiletwarrior.com and wear it all week to promote the importance of fiber to any sensible diet plan. 

57 Days: I CHEATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did.

I feel terrible.

Calories Consumed: 1511 (+411 over my predetermined calorie limit. And to make matters worse, 650 of them were from drinking a bottle of red wine.)

Exercise: None. Unless, of course, you count the exercise my liver did to process all that wine last night. But somehow I don't think that is aerobically effective.

*shame*

But, my friends, sometimes cheating has it's perks...

Weight: 129.4 (-1.4 since yesterday; -8.6 overall)

Of course I realize that this is not a "real" weigh-in because the minute I get rehydrated my weight's going to go back up.  But that didn't stop me from taking a photo to bask in the 120s even if it is just temporary.

It's just so pretty.  I want to stare at it until I fall asleep...

But I know that it's not real.   And I know that tomorrow the number will go back up and I will feel terrible about it. But it's still fun to look at.

But this does bring up an ethical dilemma.  In case you're new to the blog, today is a high-stakes day in the ChunkyBride world.  I made myself a deal: if I reached the 120s by today I would get a pedicure, but if I did not, I would wear a purple velour tracksuit with matching sequined tank top as a mark of shame. Shame!

Now, there was nothing in the deal that expressly said the weigh-in had to be unassisted by the dehydration that follows from drinking a bottle of wine.  But it would sort of be implied wouldn't it?  I mean, if I get myself a pedicure because I reached my goal after cheating that would set a bad example for the little children of the world....

But if I wear the tracksuit I might scare the little children of the world...

What to do!?

Okay.  I will split the baby: I will not get myself a pedicure because it just feels wrong to get a treat after bilking the system. BUT I will also not wear the tracksuit because, quite simply, I reached the 120s by today. Right or wrong.

And the lesson for the little children of the world: get better role models than me.

Not looking forward to tomorrow's weigh-in....

58 Days: Now That's More Like It

Calories Consumed: 1000
Exercise: very little; 15 minutes of brisk walking
Weight: 130.8 ( -1.4 since yesterday...but really -0.4 from TUESDAY grrrr; -7.2 overall )

PROOF: (sorry about the poor photo quality)

Well that's a nice change since yesterday!  Unfortunately, I don't think it's enough to put me in the 120s by tomorrow's deadline.  I've never posted two one-pound losses in a row, so I am pretty sure that today will be dedicated to tracking down the remaining portion of the damn tracksuit.

And it's official: I will no longer eat Quiznos sandwiches before days that are crucial for weigh-ins.  I mean, it's just water weight so it's fine from time to time, but, for instance, tomorrow when there are pedicures and crimes against fashion at stake, I'll skip it.

Putting aside the fact that I doubt I'll reach 129.8 by tomorrow, I would like to mention that this is the lightest that I have been in a really long time. I got down to 131.5(ish) for a couple days right before and after St. John last summer, but this is definitely the first time I've seen 130 since pre-Saints Superbowl...and probably a little while before that too.  So that's exciting!

I also reached another milestone in the BBR journey: I drank a beer!  Yes! An entire ice cold 16 oz Budlight was all mine yesterday. And I didn't gain all 7 pounds back in one night!

Happy weekend everyone!

59 Days: Assemble the Ensemble

It's 10:44 pm.  I usually don't post this late, but it's still technically March 18, 2011 so I haven't missed a day! Sorry for the delay though. Today was completely nuts with law school.  I barely even had time to think about the BBR.

But how's the diet going?  I'll give you a hint:

Yup.   That's 2/3 of my infamous velour tracksuit with matching sequined tank top (still can't find the track pants).  I made a point to dig it out of the back of the closet after this morning's doozy of a weigh in:

Calories: 1020
Exercise: 45 minutes walking 3.0 mph
Weight: 132.2  (-5.8 overall. I don't even want to calculate the difference between yesterday and today....)

Okay.  You'd think by now I would be completely used to the whole "Hey, it's a diet. You'll fluctuate sometimes" thing. You'd think.

But no.  It still sucks. Every. Single. Time.

I didn't let it discourage me though! I stuck by my guns today and I even discovered (with help from a couple friends) what could be the culprit from the vast majority of my "fluctuations."  A friend commented on the blog warning me about the sodium content in the Michelina's meals from the Tribute to Deliciousness.  I originally disregarded that comment because I've actually been really good about keeping track of the sodium in most things, because I am trying to lower my blood pressure.  But her comment really inspired me because later today it hit me: each time I've gained weight during the diet it was a morning after eating at Quiznos.  So I checked myfitnesspal and it turns out that the Quiznos nutritional information that I've been using does not include sodium so it wasn't getting factored into my daily totals. And it would completely make sense if my go-to sandwich at Quiznos is a sodium bomb because it tastes way too good to be both low calorie and low in sodium.

So I am hoping that tomorrow morning I'll post a nice loss and that the gain today was just holding water after eating a super-salty Quiznos sandwich.  We'll see.  And if that proves to be the case I owe some friends a thank-you!

Also, I wanted to address a question in the comments section about what I've been drinking since the BBR.

I would say I drink about 30(ish) ounces of sparkling water a day.  I like the 32 oz. generic brand at Whole Foods.  I also drink a lot of Diet Mountain Dew and Diet Pepsi (for whatever reason I feel like it's more "special" than run-of-the-mill Diet Coke).

I probably shouldn't drink that much diet soda but I justify it two ways. First, the only real problem I've ever heard about diet soda that makes any sense at all is that it tends to keep people craving carbohydrates--particularly simple sugars--because the fake sweeteners don't actually fill the body's need for sugar when someone craves something sweet.  This problem really doesn't apply to me (in my layman opinion).  I've never really liked sweets. Ever.  And I have yet to crave a carb on the BBR.  I tend to yearn for cheese, cream, and other fatty things....so I don't see my drinking diet soda as putting myself at risk of some crazy, carb-tastic binge. Second, I am depriving myself of so many things lately I feel like I am entitled to one vice, damnit! So the diet soda stays.

Anyway that's all for now.

Think thin!  I really don't have enough time to hunt down the remaining third of that tracksuit.

60 Days: A Tribute to Deliciousness

Oh for crying out loud....everything I said yesterday about "finding my peace" was total crap.

Calories consumed: 988
Exercise: 90 minutes; walking 3.5 mph on average (that's really brisk!)
Weight: 131.8 again (same as yesterday, -6.2 overall)

60 days left!  Gosh that's soon. And with time ticking away, my body appears to want to cling to 131.8 as if its life depended on it.  It's been 4 days, people! 4 days and no downward movement.  With only 8 weeks to go until the wedding I am going to have to ramp it up if I want to be lithe and svelte in time for the deadline.  And it is imperative that I reach my goal of 120 by the deadline because otherwise my father does not have to reimburse me for Lucy and Ricky as per this bet. AND it's even more imperative that I reach 129.8 by Sunday because my skinny clothes still don't fit and I really don't want to wear the velour tracksuit.

I think that to have a chance in hell at succeeding at this diet, the trick is to find stuff that I can eat that I truly love and enjoy having.  If I have to turn to disgusting "diet foods" every time my friends or family get to enjoy something that is off-limits, it only breeds resentment for the diet. But I can't resent my diet...I must love my diet (otherwise, I won't want to stand by it).

So with no further adieu I'd like to present my Tribute to Deliciousness

1. Spicy Tuna Avocado Roll with Brown Rice (duh) 

What a power player.  This roll has it all: whole grains in the brown rice, lean protein, "the good fats" in the avocado, and, of course, a touch of decadent spicy mayo.  According to my laboratory-frog project that I referenced earlier, the entire roll contains about 400 calories. That's generally a little higher than I care to go in one meal--I like to leave plenty of room for snacks--but it's so tasty that it makes me feel like I'm having a real treat. So bring it on.

2) Michelina's.  ANYTHING by Michelina's. 

I owe this to one of my best friends and bridesmaids who turned me onto Michelina Lean Gourmet.  When it comes to convenient, pre-portioned meals say goodbye to Smart Ones, Lean Cuisines, Healthy Choice Meals, and the rest of them: Michelina's is the only way to go.  At about a dollar a box they are easily the cheapest thing in the Tribute to Deliciousness.  They also manage to accomplish what none of the other, more expensive "convenience meal" manufacturers manage to do: include chicken that doesn't inevitably have weird, grizzly bits mixed in.   Michelina's has a Lean Gourmet line that is lower calorie and fat than the regular stuff, but even the regular ones still usually average around 320 calories each.  Yum. 

3. Artichokes

You can't really top a 60 calorie snack that easily takes 30 minutes to eat.  Each of these little guys is low calorie and packed with fiber (which is great for keeping things "moving along" so to speak).  I like to top mine with 10 calorie Maple Grove Farms Fat Free Caesar.  

4. Pictsweet Edamame Steamables 

God I love edamame.  Add a little sea salt and what a tasty and filling snack. I actually make a full meal out of this stuff.  It has a ton of fiber and protein. The entire bag (which is a crap-load of edamame) clocks in at about 275 calories (I know this because I emailed Pictsweet's customer service people because the label can be a bit confusing). 

5. Cheez-Its. 

Okay, okay. Cheez Its aren't particularly interesting (or even particularly healthy) in their own right.  But as I mentioned in the first blog ever, I have this "thing" for cheese.  I can't get enough. Unfortunately cheese is not particularly filling and can be incredibly fattening so I like to munch on Cheez Its when I crave something cheesy because it is the lesser of two evils. 

Anyway. Those are the foods that are getting me through the storm right now.  Feel free to comment below with anything healthy and deliciously awesome that you recommend.