61 Days: Gaining Perspective

Calories consumed: 1000
Exercise: None. No time. Law school is consuming my life.
Weight: 131.8 (-6.2 overall, +0.4 since yesterday)

I am not going to panic.  I have found my peace.  Sometimes the scale will fluctuate upwards, but so long as I stick to the diet it always--and I mean always--eventually goes back down (and then some!).

I cannot say enough good things about the myfitnesspal app.  I downloaded it for my iPhone back at the very beginning of this journey and I have entered my weight every single day.  One of its greatest features that I am just now beginning to appreciate is the graphical chart of my weigh-ins that it keeps for me.

*

*I'd like to mention that I began tracking my weight on the myfitnesspal app about two weeks before beginning the blog and the BBR.  You may notice that the relevant starting point for the blog begins right at the apex of the chart around 02/28.

Now, at first, when I had only tracked about a week of weigh-ins, even the smallest fluctuation looked huge on the graph. But as more time has gone by and more weigh-ins have been logged, the little gains that I fretted over so much just look like tiny blips on the graph.  The overall pattern is clear: I'm succeeding!

So yes. Today was a bit of a setback, but I am sure that in a few days it will be nothing more than a tiny blip on the chart.

It does, however, present a bit of a problem for my goal of getting into the 120s by Sunday.  A "blip" on Sunday would suck because, yet again, I will not get my pedicure...and I really, really don't want to wear the tracksuit.  So let's hope for big losses the rest of this week and no little "blips" on the days when it counts.

62 Days: My Shit Doesn't Fit!

NOTE:  This blog entry was originally written yesterday, Tuesday, March 15, 2011.  For whatever reason blogspot's server was down so I couldn't post it.

Calories Consumed: 1000 (including 1 glass of the bubbly to celebrate booking our honeymoon flights)
Exercise: Not a bit.
Weight: 131.2 (I'm shocked! And thrilled! -0.6 from yesterday; -6.8 overall)

Alright, today's excellent weigh-in aside, we've got a problem. Well, I've got a problem.  Specifically none of my clothes fit!  My Pre-BBR clothes are all hopelessly too big, but my Pre-ChunkyBride clothes are all still a hair  too small.  I've been wondering all morning how that could possibly be.  What the heck was I wearing en route to 138.0?  I must have been wearing something.


And then it hit me like a ton of bricks: Velour. Tracksuit.

Yes, friends. Sadly, that's me in the above photo.  (The cheesy-poofs aren't mine. Honest). That little number that I am sporting in the photo oversaw my journey through the 130s.  I bought it when I was about 129 pounds and wore it during the 2 months of weight gain that accompanied the Saint's epic 2009 season.  When the season ended--and I had gained weight considerably--I decided that I had to own some actual clothes (ya know, clothes that are made of some type of "cloth") and bought the stuff that I am swimming in now.

So anyway, you can see the dilemma.  I can either wear the stuff from Pre-BBR and look like a bag lady, or I can wear the too-tight stuff from my Pre-ChunkyBride Days (and presumably lose even more weight according to this article). But there is one thing that is NOT an option: wearing the velour tracksuit.

In other news, I've set a new goal for myself:  I'd like to reach the 120s by this weekend.  Goal: 129.8 or lower.  Deadline: Sunday morning.  That gives me three days to lose a little over a pound.  I think it's doable...but it's also a close call whether or not it is doable so that will keep it fun.

The Carrot:  If I reach my goal I will finally get my pedicure--the very same little bit of personal pampering that has been eluding me for weeks now.

The Stick: If I do not reach the goal, I will hunt down and wear the velour tracksuit as a mark of shame.

Wish me luck! I am gonna need it!

63 Days Until Gown: Whole Foods Sushi....Meet Your Match

Okay, so for anyone who's just now following the blog, I have a bit of a "thing" against Whole Foods.  Specifically, I find them a hypocritical company that won't man-up and distribute the nutritional information for their prepared foods (my real vendetta against them stems from the fact that they do not post the information about their sushi).

Disagree with me all you want.  I admit that they've sort of got a "feel good" thing going on, what with their "free samples" and "friendly clerks" and "food that does not contain healthy, nutritious mercury" and stuff. But when you see some of the shysty places that do post their nutritional information, it really casts Whole Foods in a bad light.

The latest place that I have discovered that actually does provide their sushi's calorie information is my not-so-friendly neighborhood Breaux Mart (for the Yankees who read this, it's pronounced "Bro" as in: "My younger Bro decided to open a Mart. I'm gonna check it out. Anyone need some Copenhagen?").  I was more than just a little surprised to discover that the Breaux Mart sushi is 100% calorie-transparent.  I mean this is the same place that just last year wreaked of moth balls and that sells cotton candy in the checkout aisles.  If this place can pony up the sushi stats, then I think Whole Foods should be able to.

Now, some of you (the more rational ones of you) might be thinking, "Just stop going to Whole Foods and get your sushi from the "Bro" Mart and quit whining and leave us alone..."  And I would ordinarily be inclined to agree.  But the only problem is that I am pretty sure that Breaux Mart is the filthiest little store ever. Just ever.  I once bought lunch meat there that had expired two weeks prior (I mean, yeah, I could have checked....but should you really have to? I mean come on...).  And that was COOKED.  So I am not sure I am ready to take the leap and start eating raw fish from there.

Why am I bitching about this?  Well, I woke up today light as a freakin' feather and I have no other complaints.  So....yeah.

Today: lots and lots of school stuff....and yes, a trip to Whole Foods. Because I don't want formaldehyde in my food. Damn them!

Stats:
Weight 131.8  (-1.2 since yesterday; -6.2 overall). 
Calories consumed: 1000
Exercise:  *shame* Not a bit.

Day 64: Belated Victory

VICTORY IS MINE!!!

As the photo makes plainly clear, someone lost more than just an hour last night!  I lost an entire pound between yesterday and today and have finally reached the 5 pound weight loss mark since starting the blog!  It's a tad bittersweet that I didn't reach this point yesterday...it's a bit like picking the winning lottery numbers a day too early or something. But I am still really happy.

The Obligatory Stats:
Calories Consumed: 1000. More impressively though, I had like 26 grams of fiber yesterday.
Exercise: None....unless sidestepping beads and cabbages thrown from the St. Patty's Day Parade counts.
Weight: 133.0 (-1.0 since yesterday; -5.0 OVERALL) Five pounds!  It doesn't sound like a ton, but that's the weight of a standard bag of flour.

I can't believe that I've lost the equivalent a bag of flour from my body in just about 2 weeks!  I believe that I am right on track to lose the entire 18 pounds by the wedding.

I am actually beyond relieved that I reached the 5 pound mark today because yesterday...well, yesterday was hard.  First, it was incredibly difficult to summon the willpower to stick to the diet after having a second setback in the same week.  It's hard for me to cope with that sort of backtracking when I know that I haven't cheated even once since beginning the diet.  It becomes incredibly difficult to not slip into the "Well, I did everything right and I gained weight, so why not eat this cheeseburger/pizza/side of beef" mindset after a gain.

Yesterday was also the St. Patrick's Day Parade.  I was surrounded by a whole lot of self-proclaimed Irish people who were making it their business to get really, really drunk.  Then my adorable fiance' arrived at the parade with a ton of Jell-O shots that I really wanted to enjoy with everyone else.  But I held fast.  It was really hard though.  One friend suggested just putting some vodka in my Diet Mountain Dew.  "It's only 50 calories an ounce."

Tempting.  Very tempting.

But in the end, I just couldn't do it.  I attribute my willpower to this blog...and more specifically its readers.  You and this blog have become the most powerful tool I have against temptation.  I can't cheat because then I'd have to admit it here.  When I'm successful, it feels great to share it with the world.  When I cheat--if I cheat--I'd have to own up to 100-hits-a-day's worth of shame.

So, thanks. I literally couldn't do this without you.

65 Days: Cling Ons

Remember Tom Cruise back before he went completely crazy and married Katie Holmes?  Yeah, I do too. I miss the Top Gun and Jerry Maguire days.  But about 6 years ago Tom Cruise went off the deep-end, became a Scientologist (whatever that is), hopped up and down on Oprah's couch, and married a knocked-up Katie Holmes.  Or maybe she got knocked up after they got married....  It doesn't matter.   The point of this story is that they had a daughter named Suri who captivated US Weekly readers everywhere with her adorable brown hair and designer outfits.

Well, Suri, almost 5, has been largely out of the news lately. Except just last week I saw an article about her and her pacifier that she apparently still uses with regularity.

^^^^Proof^^^^

Now I'm no expert, but it appears to some commentators that 5 is a bit too old to still use an item that is really intended for the under-2 crowd. (But honestly, I am pretty sure that I was still using a pacifier when I was 11, so I am not judging). 

By now you might be wondering why a blog that heretofore has been dedicated to my weight loss journey is harping on Suri Cruise and her weird little obsession with her binky.  Well, friends, I am trying to set up an elaborate metaphor.

Today I am Suri Cruise's pacifier.  And playing the role of Suri Cruise:

*drumroll please*

MOTHER F***ING 134.0. 

Why, oh why, OH WHY can't the 134s let me go?  Seriously! I haven't checked, but I think that over 1/3 of the blog has been dedicated to getting out of the goddamned 134s.  I've never experienced such a clingy relationship with a number on the scale before. 

There are literally Cling-Ons on my Starboard Boughs. 

I am not sure what happened.  Just for the record here are the stats:

Calories consumed: 900 (I thought that would be fool-proof the day before the weigh-in...and the last 100 of those were a handful of prunes before bed. So again, no idea how this happened). 

Exercise: 50 minutes walking 3.5 mph 

Weight: 134.0 +0.6 from yesterday, -4.0 lbs overall

I am not going to wonder how or why this happened. Actually, that's not true. Evidently, this entire thing could have been avoided if I had just eaten with my left hand and imagined myself thin yesterday.  I also should have put the Quiznos sandwich that I ate on a smaller plate. That would have done it. 

Anyway, what's on the menu today? Well, I am still getting my hair done which should be a lot of fun. 

I am also using today to figure out once and for all how many calories are in my favorite sushi roll from Whole Foods.  I intend to purchase 2 rolls.  1 that I will eat and enjoy.  And 1 that I will dissect like a laboratory frog to weigh each of its components using my handy-dandy food scale. 

But today the closest that I am getting to a pedicure is this:

66 Days: This is Turning Into A Real Nail-Biter

No pun intended.

Calories consumed: 1000
Exercise: 45 minutes (walking 3.5 mph; intermittent jogging....well, really just 1 all-out sprint when my route took me under  I-10 by the homeless shelter and halfway house).
Weight: 133.4 (-0.6 lbs since yesterday -4.6 overall)

The producers of a reality TV show couldn't have edited the footage of my weight loss journey to make it more of a nail-biter than it has become.  For anyone who is just now joining us, I decided at the outset of this blog that I was hoping to lose 5 pounds by tomorrow because I have a hair trial for the wedding and I was going to reward myself for reaching the 5 lb mark by getting a very badly needed pedicure (see photos from Day 74 for proof).

At the time when I made this little deal with myself, I expected to coast into 5 pound territory far earlier than tomorrow.  But then there was the stagnation of doom and the day of scale trickery and/or water retention.  And now here we are.  A mere 1 day away from my arbitrary and self-imposed deadline and 0.4 pounds to go.  So like I said, reality TV couldn't have fake-timed this better.

Anyway, enough about that.  Yesterday one of my friends who has been following the blog sent me a link to one of our local news stations.  They were running an article about weird ways to lose weight.  That sounded like something that would be right up my alley, so I clicked the link.  Now, I do not claim to be any kind of a diet or fitness expert. We're all learning together here.  But my friends, if I know one thing about weight loss, I know this: the suggestions in this article are absolute crap.   Let's explore them!

1) Use your non-dominant hand while eating. Rationale: You will eat slower and concentrate on the fork.  I believe that this entry was accidentally moved from the "How to Ruin All Your Clothes" article.

2) Put your fork down after every bite and chew 30 times. Rationale: You will eat slower and your body will feel fuller. I strongly believe in savoring food and stuff....but 30 bites? What the heck does this article think you're eating? A leather strap?!

3) Make your food uneatable! (ie., dumping salt, sugar, pepper, etc. on food so that you can't pick at your plate after you've finished) This one is actually quite effective.  So much so, that it is popular with teenage girls with eating disorders the world over.  Try this instead: ask your waiter for a to-go box and put half of your meal in it right away.  It's far less offensive to the starving children in China.

4) Brush your teeth when you feel the need to snack. Rationale: your body will "think" that it's time for bed and that there is no more eating for the day.  I can do you one better: when you need a snack, eat toothpaste. Then call poison control.  They'll pump your stomach, and that translates to real weight loss.

5) Place your used napkin on top of your plate.  Okay, I can't really argue with this one.  At least they're not suggesting we dump salt and pepper everywhere.

6) Place a picture of yourself at your heaviest on the refrigerator door. Rationale: Pure shame. (Though they don't say it in so many words). As someone who has a dumpy frumpy photo on my fridge I can attest: by the time your hand is on the fridge door it's too late for petty shame.  Try putting a dozen or so rabid bats in the fridge.  That works every time.

7) Wear tight clothes. Rationale: You can't/won't eat if you know that you're one after-dinner mint away from popping your top button. While you're at it, there's a huge sale going on at the Baby Gap! I swear, between this suggestion and the eating with your non-dominant hand thing, they really could have started a new list called "Ways to Make Fat People Look Ridiculous." Seriously, unless you want your professional and social life to suffer, wear clothes that fit.

8) Imagine yourself thin. I don't even care what rationale they give for this, that is NOT a way to lose weight...unless you're a Jedi. Believe me.

9) Use small plates.  How about: use small portions.  There. Much better.

10) Drink water before you eat a meal. Okay. that one is actually good. At least they ended on a high note!

Happy Friday y'all!

67 Days Until Gown: The Final Countdown (to pedicure)

For Optimum Entertainment Value the Author Recommends Reading this Blog Whilst Listening to this Clip:

OR this one (same song, different style; just a matter of personal preference):

Calories Consumed: 1040

Exercise: 60 minutes; walking 2.5 mph

Weight: 134.0 (-4.0 lbs overall.  Not sure what the change is since yesterday's wackadoodle weigh-in). 

Pounds To Go Until PEDICURE: 1.0 

Well, folks. I did it. I cracked the pesky 134.4 mark that's had me wallowing in self doubt for the last THREE days.  Good god it feels good to break free from that nonsense. 

But now there is a one-pound fish to fry and it's name is 134.0.  That's right. I am a mere pound away from getting a much needed pedicure. The next two days of my life will be devoted exclusively to chewing up 134.0 and spitting it back out.  Ordinarily I would say that's no problem, but after my little detour down Route 134.4, I am not certain that I can do it.  One thing I do know: I have to ramp it up today and tomorrow. 

In other news, the last couple days have been pretty good.  I reached a major milestone in my "lifestyle change" yesterday: I ate lunch at a restaurant!  It was scary. I am not going to lie.  It's always frightening to not know precisely what is going into your food.  Oh sure, the grilled chicken and veggies sounds innocuous enough, but when it comes out dripping in buttery goodness, the jig is up. 

I came prepared: I brought my food scale, a liquid measuring cup and other measuring apparatuses so that I could figure out ounces of whatever I ended up ordering whether it be fish or chicken or butter. I ultimately ended up going the safest route possible and ordered a soup for which a "Brand Name" was provided (so that I could look up the stats on the Internet).  Of course, I still had to measure the fluid ounces of soup using my nifty tools to get an accurate calorie count.  This required taking the empty soup bowl and my liquid measuring cup to the bathroom for some jolly good water-measuring fun. The waitress didn't seem to care for me when I did this, but sometimes ridicule, mockery, and outright loathing is the price you pay for being calorie-conscious. 

Now, of course, were the restaurant required to post it's calorie information or something none of that would have been necessary, but I digress...

I've also noticed a spectacular improvement in my blood pressure.  It was some crazy-high number like 178/110 around Thanksgiving.  According to the blood pressure cuff at the Winn-Dixie it's down to 125/75.  Still not a perfect 120/80, but I'll take it. 

All in all, a slightly slow week for the BBR, but progress is progress.  After reaching my 5 lb goal, I will need to come up with a new treat for when I reach the 10 pound mark.  Perhaps a glass of wine! Or a paintball gun or something.  But for now I must tackle 134.0.....